Funny Jokes!

[url="http://www.jokelobby.com/"]http://www.jokelobby.com/[/url]

[url="http://www.bofunk.com/"]http://www.bofunk.com/[/url]
[url="http://www.idiotica.co.uk/"]http://www.idiotica.co.uk/[/url]

Stress Management

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Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called the world. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is so clear that you can easily make out the face of the person whose head you are holding under the water.

There now.......feeling better?

YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CONTINUE?

Yes.

ARE YOU REALLY SURE?

Yes.

ARE YOU REALLY REALLY SURE?

YES!

OK, THEN. JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE'RE REQUIRED TO ASK YOU THAT NOW. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING A PICKY CONSUMER AND SUPPORTING THAT WHOLE "ANTI- TRUST" NONSENSE. INGRATE.

Just get on with it.

ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP. FIRST WE NEED TO CHECK YOUR SYSTEM FOR COMPATIBILITY. THIS COULD TAKE SEVERAL DAYS.

Groan.

THE INSTALL PROGRAM HAS DETECTED SEVERAL POSSIBLE PROBLEMS AND WILL NOT LET YOU INSTALL XP.

Problems? What problems?

THE VIDEO CARD YOU ARE USING APPARENTLY DOES NOT WORK WITH THE MOTHERBOARD.

But I'm using it at this very moment.

THAT IS IRRELEVANT.
But if the video card isn't working with the mother board then I can't very well see this warning message telling me that the video card wasn't...

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FOOL ME WITH LOGIC, I AM A MICROSOFT PRODUCT. LOGIC DOES NOT WORK ON ME. I HAVE ALSO FOUND THE FOLLOWING MINOR ERRORS: WINDOWS XP IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH THE FOLLOWING HARDWARE - MONITOR, KEYBOARD, MEMORY CHIPS, MOTHERBOARD BIOS, WEB CAM, SCANNER, SOUND CARD, USB CONTROLLER, CD/R DRIVE, MICROPHONE, AND FLIGHT STICK.

All that?

YES. AND THE HARD DRIVE IS RIGHT OUT TOO. WE DON'T LIKE THE MANUFACTURER.

Well what DOES work?

THE MOUSE.

The mouse?

YES. AND THE 5 1/4 DRIVE.

I don't have a 5 1/4 drive.

YES YOU DO.

No I don't.

WHAT'S THAT THEN?

It's a 3 1/2 drive.

NO IT ISN'T.

Yes it is.

YOU'RE NOT THAT SMART YOU KNOW.

Look, can you just install XP on my system and I'll download the latest drivers for everything later? Please?

WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR SYSTEM?

Well it is mine.

NO IT ISN'T.

It bloody well is.

NUH-UH. YOU SIGNED THE AGREEMENT WHEN YOU OPENED THE BOX. OUR SYSTEM. IT'S OURS. AND YOU CAN ONLY DO 4 CHANGES BEFORE YOU HAVE TO PAY US MORE MONEY.

But why?

BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THE LICENSE WORKS, IDJIT. WE CAN'T VERY WELL HAVE PEOPLE PUTTING HARDWARE AND SOFTWARE ON THEIR SYSTEMS ALL HIGGLEDY PIGGLEDY, NOW COULD WE? YOU USERS WOULD MUCK EVERYTHING UP, AND THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE? I'LL TELL YOU WHERE, NOWHERE. THAT'S WHERE. I... HEY, WHAT IS THAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT A DISK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DISK? YOU'RE NOT PUTTING IT IN THE DRIVE ARE YOU? YOU ARE! WHAT'S ON THAT DISK. IS THAT DOS? YOU'RE INSTALLING DOS?? WHY WOULD YOU INSTALL DOS WHEN I AM INFINITELY MORE POWE..........

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met
up with Father Flaherty. The Father said,"Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't
ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?"

She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."

The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"

She replied, "No, not yet, Father."

The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a
candle for ye and yer hoosband."

She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father."

They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again.

The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"

She replied, "Oh , very well, Fath! er!"

The Father asked, " Tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"

She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and four singles, 10 in
all!"

The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?"

She replied, "E 's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."

New Bunny Movies



http://www.angryalien.com/



New ones include
Pirates of the caribbean
Borat
Spiderman 1 and 2

But if the video card isn't working with the mother board then I can't very well see this warning message telling me that the video card wasn't...

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FOOL ME WITH LOGIC, I AM A MICROSOFT PRODUCT. LOGIC DOES NOT WORK ON ME

YES. AND THE 5 1/4 DRIVE.

I don't have a 5 1/4 drive.

YES YOU DO.

No I don't.

WHAT'S THAT THEN?

It's a 3 1/2 drive.

NO IT ISN'T.

Yes it is.

YOU'RE NOT THAT SMART YOU KNOW.

Look, can you just install XP on my system and I'll download the latest drivers for everything later? Please?

WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR SYSTEM?

Well it is mine.

NO IT ISN'T.

It bloody well is.

NUH-UH. YOU SIGNED THE AGREEMENT WHEN YOU OPENED THE BOX. OUR SYSTEM. IT'S OURS. AND YOU CAN ONLY DO 4 CHANGES BEFORE YOU HAVE TO PAY US MORE MONEY.

kkkkkkk nice one

[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAPXGuRIXsA"][/url]

Computer Mice

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Can anyone give me advice . . . ?
What to do with computer mice?
At night they come out
And race all about.
Each mouse and it's spouse
Invading my house.
They wreck my office
And they're not too nice.
What to do with computer mice?
Wait, I hadn't thought about that -
Perhaps, I'll get a computer cat!

Once upon a time

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Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess.

But there was a problem.
Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what;
metal,
wood,
plastic
anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her.
Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.
What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king,
"If your daughter touches one thing
that does not melt in her hands,
she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed.

The next day, he held a competition.
Any man that could bring his daughter
an object that would not melt
would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium.
But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought a huge diamond,
thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world
and would not melt.
But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached.
He told the princess,
"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The princess did as she was told,
though she turned red.
She felt something hard.
She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed.
Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess
and they both lived happily ever after.


Question:
What was the object?


scroll down






M&M Chocolate, of course! Melts in your mouth, not in your hand!

Lunch Anyone?

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A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"

Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says.

"Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."

A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium. It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.



Owning a new pet fish
Pat: Hey, Chris! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.

Chris: To tell you the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.

Pat: You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? I can't believe it!

Chris: Well, yeah. After all, he's a parrot fish.

Pat: I hate to tell you this, Chris, but while you might be able to teach a parrot bird to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.

Chris: That's what you think! He can sing all right. The thing is, he keeps singing off-key. It's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?

funny!

Here's another one...

What's worse than a BSOD?
The dreaded "Internal server error"...

Nuno...

Thats why they are happening. Nuno is not around to check on the status of the Forum and what is causing them. He will be back next month some time after his studys.

I had a laugh when I read the post. lol! Im getting them too.

* Give a man a fish, he owes you one fish. Teach a man to fish, you give up your monopoly on fisheries.
* Teach a man to fish, and you can sell him a ton of accessories.
* Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime ... unless, of course, he doesn't like sushi -- then you also need to teach him how to cook.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
* Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. But teach a man how to fish, and he'll be dead of mercury poisoning inside of three years.
* Give a man a fish he'll eat for a day, if you teach a man a fish he'll get drunk then fall out of his boat and drown.
* Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; Teach him to use the Internet, and he won't bother you for weeks!
* Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day, but give him a case of dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and unidentifiable chunks of fish.
* Give a man some fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
* Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll overfish, cause famine in the next three regions and pollute the atmosphere with his fish.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give a man religion and he will starve to death praying for a fish
* Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can get rid of him for a whole weekend.
* Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Enlighten him further, he owns a chain of seafood restaurants
* If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day; if you give a man a machine that makes fish, teach him to operate it, and enslave him, you feed yourself for a lifetime.
* Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you will not have to listen to his incessant whining about how hungry he is.
* Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you can sell him fishing equipment.
* Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
* Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Unless he doesn't like sushi - then you also have to teach him to cook.
* Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in the boat and drink beer all day.
* Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to sell fish and he eats steak.
* Give a man a fish, and you satisfy his fish craving for a day. Give him fish aversion therapy, and you eliminate the craving for life.
* Give a woman a fish and you'll be sleeping on the couch again.
* Give a man a fish, and he'll wonder what you want from him.

http://www.national..../WOMorigin.html

You've missed this one:
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Tell a man to fish and you can do his wife all weekend!

Peter

Yes, but in the 80ies people still knew, how to operate all their devices. These days you can easily show everyone, a never before seen feature of their mobile.